50.  Eve 6 – Inside Out   
     (*1/2)  The lead singer’s name is Tony Fagenson. I bet he got beat up a lot before Daddy got him a record contract. These kids are all like 17, so I can’t entirely blame them for putting out a sophomoric, Green Day-copped song that’s even more shamelessly pop. Still, throw them back, they’re too small. They’re certainly no Silverchair. The "Inside Out" video follows the REO Speedwagon school of visual representation. As he talks about his "tender heart in a blender," we see a girl laboring over a spinning blender. I told the Speedwagon boys this in 1985, and I’ll tell Eve 6 the same thing -- Just because you sing about a candle in the window doesn’t mean we have to see a candle in the window. --AH 
     (**)  Wow, Carrot Top made a video. This video is exactly what I expect from 17-year-olds who just spent four years in high school getting the crap beat out of them and now see it as their mission to show the world how deep they are. The sad part is, they’re fairly talented, and could potentially escape being pretentious pap if they put their minds to it. All, get over the roller girl fantasy, geez. --JW 

49.  DMX – How’s it Goin’ Down?  
     (*)  DMX, my least favorite kind of bicycle, drives around the city in his various rides. DMX raps from his motorcycle to a random woman with a small child. She doesn’t go for it at first, but when he drives the minivan up, she’s interested. See, he has family on his mind. Oh, and DMX gets laid. All’s well that ends well. --AH 
     RANDOM CARRIE COMMENT: Damn, that girl had a huge ass! 

48.  Bryan McKnight – Anytime  
     (**1/2)  After being seemingly reduced to a fate of being half of one VH1 hit with Vanessa Williams, Bryan McKnight busted out this year with this decent slow jam, where he sits in front of his piano lamenting the woman who left him for R. Kelly. He tells his woman how much he misses her and then takes an emotional shower. Later, he sings in front of a wall that features the lyrics to the song and makes sure the top four buttons on his shirt are undone. It’s not easy being Bryan McKnight. --AH  

47.  Hole – Celebrity Skin  
     (***)  I have a hard time admitting it, but I almost like this song. I can’t help it. Courtney Love isn’t quite the crack whore she used to be. She’s sold out. Her videos grace the VH1 airwaves during the midnight to 6 a.m. Everyone’s Fucking Sleeping safe harbor. This song was written by Billy Corgan, and everyone knows he’s the biggest sellout of them all. So I must give in. I must loathe it at first, crack a few Courtney Love jokes and later admit that the song is "kinda catchy." Then, I notice the video is pretty cool. Powder blue curtains hang in the back, Courtney and another Hole-ite sing from matching powder blue coffins. Courtney wears a bad-girl Homecoming dance dress and sings into an old-style microphones. Aw, hell, I’ll admit it. I like this damn song. --AH  

46.  Mya f/Silkk the Shocker – Movin’ On  
Mya - Movin' On
     (**)  A distraught Mya receives a note ("If Malik’s your boyfriend, he wasn’t last night.") and has to excuse herself from class so she can sing mournfully in the hallway. Even changing into a rented cheerleader outfit doesn’t help her get over that dawg Malik. She’s still checking him out, and eventually she does a cheerleading dance to Silkk’s shocking rap. No pep rally is complete without it. But eventually Mya learns she can live without him, taking her poms elsewhere. --AH 
Mya - Movin' On

45.  Backstreet Boys – As Long as You Love Me  
     (*1/2)  A Backstreet talent show ensues as the boys audition in a giant loft for five women who wear glasses so they’ll be taken seriously. It allows for a lot of good-natured singing and choreographed dancing. Then, in a plot twist even Hitchcock would appreciate, the tables turn and the boys get to audition the women. They have a magic remote control that can put the girls in any situation they wish. Surprisingly, no one masturbates. --AH 
     (*)  "I don’t care who you are, where you’re from, what you did, as long as you love me." Apparently, the message here is that the Boys love all their fans no matter their shape, deeds, or place of origin as long as they mindlessly follow them like blind worshippers of old crowding around a false idol. (imitating a preacher) Sorry Boys, only one man loves you unconditionally, and his name is JE-sus, the lord.) What good will all of their Backstreet Boys worship do them in Hell? That’s what I’d like to know. --JW 

44.  Third Eye Blind – Jumper  
     (**1/2)  It’s a not-half-bad video from a group whose album gets played at a lot of frat parties. (Doo-doo-doo doo-doo-doo-doo…) The chorus to "Jumper" is, "I wish you would step back from that ledge, my friend," which makes me think, if I was about to commit suicide and someone from 3EB stepped out on the ledge to talk me down, I wouldn’t waste a single second jumping to my death. And I’d take him with me. Random thought: Green adobe is probably my least favorite house interior for a music video. --AH 

43.  Janet Jackson – Go Deep  
     (***)  Without a doubt, the best song and video of Janet’s "I like bondage, I swear" sessions. It follows a young male protagonist, who lies down to take a nap and promptly has a horny Janet at the door. And where Janet goes, her five-years-younger-than-her posse follows. So the protagonist has to entertain a whole party now, and I’ll be damned if someone doesn’t pop too much popcorn and put too much laundry detergent in the washer. It turns into an "I Love Lucy" episode. It’s a mess. --AH 
     (**1/2)  Apparently, Janet is following in her brother’s pedophiliac footsteps. It seems you can’t leave your son at home alone anymore without Janet and her crew trashing your house, and Miss Jackson molesting your teenage son. Frightening undertones aside, this is a fun video and a catchy tune with one of those electronic beats that get stuck in your head. --JW 

42.  Shania Twain – You’re Still the One  
     (**)  I always thought Dwight Yoakum was sexy, but now country music has a new pinup for my wall. She’s hot as hell, and this is a decent black-and-white Cosmo video to match. It’s nothing new (in fact, it bears a striking resemblance to Mariah’s 1990 video "Love Takes Time") but it’s good window dressing to showcase someone who’s good window dressing her own self. --AH 
     RANDOM CARRIE COMMENT: She’s the only one on the countdown so far that I want to die. Like, I’d do it. I’d cover her in honey, stake her in the desert and leave her, and then go back and get her before she dies so I can set her on fire. 

41.  Puff Daddy f/Notorious B.I.G. and Busta Rhymes – Victory 
     (**)  Celebrating his triumph over anything signifying musical talent or even a knack for a decent rhyme, Puff Daddy enters the world of overblown, conspiracy hip-hop. Wu-Tang does it so much better, even if they don’t all have Danny DeVito and Dennis Hopper. It’s all big budget and slightly interesting, but the hero is Puff Daddy. You’re supposed to like your hero. If Puffy was in a Bond movie or something, I’d be rooting for the villain to strap him to the rocket and shoot him to Neptune. --AH 
     (*1/2) Puff Daddy meets Running Man as Puffy decides to just give up on music and concentrate on making mini-movies with no apparent plot. Thrown in to save this farce is Dennis Hopper as his usual psychotic self, but it doesn’t work. I’m just glad they finally cut this down to a digestable size. Oh, and not to be mean, but Notorious B.I.G. is dead. Get over it! --JW

On To Videos #40-31
Guide to the 1998 Countdown
eMpTyV homepage
Send Comments About These Reviews