|
80.
Garbage – Push It
(Rating: ***)
I have to hand it to Garbage. They sure do make industrial pop songs sound
cool. I know this is only the first video I’m reviewing, but I’m going
to go out on a limb and say there was no more messed-up video than this
in 1998. A group of vigilante nuns with masks covering their faces attack
an animated squiggle man in a supermarket, Shirley Manson roams the cereal
aisle and eventually settles down to domestic life with a man who has a
light bulb for a head. That would be a difficult relationship to maintain,
I think. You’d have to have a lot of patience to change that head every
1,000 hours. Oh, look, she’s got a little light bulb kid… The freaky
images
never cease in this video. Never, ever watch this when you’re stoned. It
will do irreversible psychological damage. Worse, you may start making
out with your desk lamp. –Andrew Hicks
79. JD
f/Mariah –Sweetheart
(**) Mariah Carey must
not have been getting much good love from her husband. How else do you
explain the immediate musical romps with Puff Daddy, Mase and now JD upon
her divorce? She spends half of this video with a white cat laying on her
chest and the other half making out with a shirtless guy on a motorcycle.
I can’t decide which makes her look sluttier. When did she get her breasts
done? I’ve counted three ass shots and seven gratuitous flashes of
cleavage.
What’s worse, I don’t really want to see it anymore. I used to adore
Mariah
Carey, but I grew up, she opened her legs and now she chews up so much
scenery that JD doesn’t even get in the video until the end.
--AH
78.
Wallflowers -- Heroes
(**) Son of Bob
Dylan covers David Bowie song. How many coattails is this motherfucker
hanging from? Worse, it’s from the bane of 1998, the Godzilla project.
So, basically, it’s doomed to have absolutely no place in history. The
video isn’t a whole lot – band plays in apartment, everything is wet and
the band is fending off Godzilla. We know what a sweet appetizer Jakob
Dylan would make for any monster, especially a regurgitated, poorly
written,
unoriginal monster. That’s okay, Jake, you can still drive it home with
one eye socket. --AH
77. Mya --
It’s All About Me
(*1/2) Mya,
octaroon
beauty that she is, comes on the solo tip with no Ol’ Dirty Bastard and
no Pras. Nope, it’s all about her in a sexy Oriental robe. She sings to
a chairbound young brotha who wants her but apparently isn’t getting any
because, after all, it’s all about her. A bunch of brothas in pastel
coverall
pajamas dance around outside. Oh, and there’s a fencing scene. I’d say
the entire mise-en-scene qualifies as a big mess. --AH
76. Sheryl
Crow – My Favorite Mistake
(**1/2)
Unobtrusive grassroots rock with a sexy twist. It’s kept Sheryl Crow going
for four
years, past the novelty success of "All I Wanna Do" and the wannabe whore
tune "If It Makes You Happy." This video, from the ill-fated third album,
takes the simplistic girl-in-a-room-with-leather-pants approach. It’s
nothing
ambitious and nothing that will last, like the song itself, but I have
a soft spot for both. Actually, I have a soft spot for those leather
pants.
--AH
RANDOM CARRIE
COMMENT
-- Sheryl Crow was a music teacher. I feel sorry for any former
students
who are in seeing her in those leather pants.
75. Brandy
f/Mase -- Top of the World
(*1/2) Is there
any ass-dumber person in music today than Mase? Does he even know where
he is half the time? I doubt it. Brandy I might like a little more if her
eyes weren’t so far apart. "Top of the World" is one of those videos you
look at and just wonder what they were looking to do with it. Brandy hangs
from a streetlight, dances on a makeshift basketball court and crawls up
the walls. She can do that, you know – because she’s sitting on top of
the world. --AH
74.
Rammstein – Du Hast
(*) Du… du hast…
du hast to turn dis shit off. What the hell is this angry German crap?
Where’s "Der Kommisar" when you need it? Instead, there’s a barn that
implodes,
a bunch of guys in freaky face masks standing around, a confused male
model,
a chick who looks like a guy and wholesale image and plot points copped
from Reservoir Dogs. --AH
73. Marcy
Playground –Sex and Candy
(***) Even though
I’d never buy the album, "Sex and Candy" was one of the better one-hit
wonder songs of 1998. The video is pretty damn good, too, with some great
images of the band members poking their heads out of some kind of cartoon
playground where tarantulas roam freely. Sex, candy, tarantulas… MTV has
given us a whole lot worse. --AH
72. Lenny
Kravitz – Fly Away
(***) This video
has me thinking one thing: I want to go to a party at Lenny Kravitz’s
house.
(Then James brings me down to earth, remarking that I "don’t have nearly
enough heroin to go to that party.") Lenny has a cathedral ceiling, a huge
dance floor and a bunch of women who dance around aimlessly and
occasionally
take their shirts off, baring their MTV-blurred chests. Who would have
thought Lenny would make a comeback after cutting his dreads off? I guess
he’s still cool because he’s wearing a leopard-skin tank top.
--AH
71.
Backstreet Boys – All I Have to Give
(½-star)
A gay porn movie with clothing, this video is the first in a series of
disturbing guy group videos. Didn’t the New Kids on the Block teach us
anything? Okay, I’ll come clean. I’m jealous. I want to be the one who
gets all those boys have to give, especially those yellow cabbie hats
they’re
wearing. Would I be sexy if I wore a yellow cabbie hat? Guess not. How
about a silk shirt unbuttoned to the waist? Probably wouldn’t make anyone
swoon. If my narrative seems unfocused, it’s because I’m killing time
until
this godawful video’s over. Oooh, now we’ve reached the key change. It
can’t be long now… --AH |
