80.  Garbage – Push It 
     (Rating: ***)  I have to hand it to Garbage. They sure do make industrial pop songs sound cool. I know this is only the first video I’m reviewing, but I’m going to go out on a limb and say there was no more messed-up video than this in 1998. A group of vigilante nuns with masks covering their faces attack an animated squiggle man in a supermarket, Shirley Manson roams the cereal aisle and eventually settles down to domestic life with a man who has a light bulb for a head. That would be a difficult relationship to maintain, I think. You’d have to have a lot of patience to change that head every 1,000 hours. Oh, look, she’s got a little light bulb kid… The freaky images never cease in this video. Never, ever watch this when you’re stoned. It will do irreversible psychological damage. Worse, you may start making out with your desk lamp. –Andrew Hicks 

79.  JD f/Mariah –Sweetheart 
     (**) Mariah Carey must not have been getting much good love from her husband. How else do you explain the immediate musical romps with Puff Daddy, Mase and now JD upon her divorce? She spends half of this video with a white cat laying on her chest and the other half making out with a shirtless guy on a motorcycle. I can’t decide which makes her look sluttier. When did she get her breasts done? I’ve counted three ass shots and seven gratuitous flashes of cleavage. What’s worse, I don’t really want to see it anymore. I used to adore Mariah Carey, but I grew up, she opened her legs and now she chews up so much scenery that JD doesn’t even get in the video until the end. --AH 

78.  Wallflowers -- Heroes 
     (**)  Son of Bob Dylan covers David Bowie song. How many coattails is this motherfucker hanging from? Worse, it’s from the bane of 1998, the Godzilla project. So, basically, it’s doomed to have absolutely no place in history. The video isn’t a whole lot – band plays in apartment, everything is wet and the band is fending off Godzilla. We know what a sweet appetizer Jakob Dylan would make for any monster, especially a regurgitated, poorly written, unoriginal monster. That’s okay, Jake, you can still drive it home with one eye socket. --AH 

77.  Mya -- It’s All About Me 
     (*1/2)  Mya, octaroon beauty that she is, comes on the solo tip with no Ol’ Dirty Bastard and no Pras. Nope, it’s all about her in a sexy Oriental robe. She sings to a chairbound young brotha who wants her but apparently isn’t getting any because, after all, it’s all about her. A bunch of brothas in pastel coverall pajamas dance around outside. Oh, and there’s a fencing scene. I’d say the entire mise-en-scene qualifies as a big mess. --AH 

76.  Sheryl Crow – My Favorite Mistake 
     (**1/2)  Unobtrusive grassroots rock with a sexy twist. It’s kept Sheryl Crow going for four years, past the novelty success of "All I Wanna Do" and the wannabe whore tune "If It Makes You Happy." This video, from the ill-fated third album, takes the simplistic girl-in-a-room-with-leather-pants approach. It’s nothing ambitious and nothing that will last, like the song itself, but I have a soft spot for both. Actually, I have a soft spot for those leather pants. --AH 
     RANDOM CARRIE COMMENT -- Sheryl Crow was a music teacher. I feel sorry for any former students who are in seeing her in those leather pants. 

75.  Brandy f/Mase -- Top of the World 
     (*1/2)  Is there any ass-dumber person in music today than Mase? Does he even know where he is half the time? I doubt it. Brandy I might like a little more if her eyes weren’t so far apart. "Top of the World" is one of those videos you look at and just wonder what they were looking to do with it. Brandy hangs from a streetlight, dances on a makeshift basketball court and crawls up the walls. She can do that, you know – because she’s sitting on top of the world. --AH 

74.  Rammstein – Du Hast 
     (*)  Du… du hast… du hast to turn dis shit off. What the hell is this angry German crap? Where’s "Der Kommisar" when you need it? Instead, there’s a barn that implodes, a bunch of guys in freaky face masks standing around, a confused male model, a chick who looks like a guy and wholesale image and plot points copped from Reservoir Dogs. --AH 

73.  Marcy Playground –Sex and Candy 
     (***)  Even though I’d never buy the album, "Sex and Candy" was one of the better one-hit wonder songs of 1998. The video is pretty damn good, too, with some great images of the band members poking their heads out of some kind of cartoon playground where tarantulas roam freely. Sex, candy, tarantulas… MTV has given us a whole lot worse. --AH 

72.  Lenny Kravitz – Fly Away 
     (***)  This video has me thinking one thing: I want to go to a party at Lenny Kravitz’s house. (Then James brings me down to earth, remarking that I "don’t have nearly enough heroin to go to that party.") Lenny has a cathedral ceiling, a huge dance floor and a bunch of women who dance around aimlessly and occasionally take their shirts off, baring their MTV-blurred chests. Who would have thought Lenny would make a comeback after cutting his dreads off? I guess he’s still cool because he’s wearing a leopard-skin tank top. --AH 

71.  Backstreet Boys – All I Have to Give 
     (½-star)  A gay porn movie with clothing, this video is the first in a series of disturbing guy group videos. Didn’t the New Kids on the Block teach us anything? Okay, I’ll come clean. I’m jealous. I want to be the one who gets all those boys have to give, especially those yellow cabbie hats they’re wearing. Would I be sexy if I wore a yellow cabbie hat? Guess not. How about a silk shirt unbuttoned to the waist? Probably wouldn’t make anyone swoon. If my narrative seems unfocused, it’s because I’m killing time until this godawful video’s over. Oooh, now we’ve reached the key change. It can’t be long now… --AH

Copyright 1999 Apartment Y Productions